There are many people who seek in to the past for answers and sometimes they realize that the past is not as good as they think, here are some examples of how some ads in the past were naively (diabolically?) created as if they were really the ads for porn movies.
SKINLESS WIENERS FOR GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS.
The guy who invented the sausages is nothing but a prankster, because there is nothing funnier than penis shaped food, you may not know this, but before they use to be shoved the wieners in sheep intestine casings, yes that is right you hear me sheep intestines!!, so suddenly the technology was able to get rid off of the sheep intestines and there is when advertising geniuses decided that the best way to advertise the product was with the following phrase:
Wieners with No Skins!!
Please don’t tell me I am the only one that is having all kind of dirty thoughts, I know you too are thinking about circumcised penises, condom free sex and much more, to me all this advertising it's like some of the first rap songs, they give you enough info to start giggling, but not too much to be censored by the main stream media.
TOSS THAT SALAD.
I really don’t even use that phrase outside the sex arena, I am not quite sure if the advertising executes in Heinz have any idea of how that phrase it was going to be used in the future, I hope I don’t find other products called “Chocking the chicken” or “Tickling the taco” in other cooking ads.
MICKEY WANTS TO PUT HIS MILK INSIDE YOU.
Just read that phrase loud and change the word Minnie for your bosses name, ready?: “Inside of you, Minnie- My milk is the best thing in the World!” when he arrives screaming towards you, tell him you simply wanted to share this ad with him.
I am sure that you have heard all those crazy theories about Walt Disney being part of some conspiracy theories painting pennises in the cover of his movies, and the word Sex in the Lion King Movie, well I don’t know you, but this ad makes me very suspicious that all those stories were right and maybe Walt himself was a little bit on the other side if you know what I mean ;)
WHAT ABOUT MENS UNDERWEAR? LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
Let’s suppose that every man that is reading this column is gay, but not just the regular level of gay, but the most exhibitionist and flamboyant type there are, even in that level I will bet my left nut that you are not hanging around on your underwear as the gentlemen shown in this ad.
Let’s analyze the above ad, I really don’t know (because you guys never invite me to your crazy parties), but I greatly suspect that it is not a common activity to engage into a wrestling match with other men in your bare underwear, or this ad is exaggerating the activity, the marketing executive simply lost their market, or probably is one of those activities that people use to do back in the day. Well at least the ad gives a little bit of context; the two men are in a locker room and I want to believe that it was some common activity back in the days, because I have been into many men lockers and I have never witnessed anything like that.
I have nothing against people dressing in ways that defies the gender expectations, but I think they should be a better way to sell socks to men don’t you think? I mean I understand the men may love his suspenders but I am not quite sure the market they are aiming for shares the same passion.
THERE MUST BE A BETTER WAT TO ADVERTISE BANANAS: MOST FLAVORFUL.
There are so many things wrong with this ad that I am not going to start enumerating them, I will simply say that there are two types of people I hate, those who don’t have fun and the people who made this ad.